Relationship

This is a very and most important thing in our life.  Now I am talking about marriage.  I am not experienced, however, I’ve tried to have private conversations with ones who have been married for years.

Marriage has never been easy

Dear Marry has been married for 6 years and has 2 children.  Her husband comes from a very big family, while Marry’s family is sizeable.  Now she has problems with her in-laws who want to come to her house anytime and however they like.  Sometimes you find over 6 people who have come visiting, and some carry children.  Her own children have become displaced in their own home, because they have to make room for visitors all the time.  She tried talking to her husband, but he said there is nothing he can do.  She decided to approach and come very close to her mother-in-law to help her in such a situation, but she became very hostile and since then Marry became her sworn enemy.  So she is always asking herself what can she do?  Coz she has no peace in her own house and to make matters worse her in-laws do not respect her.  They just say that house belongs to their son.  She is very disturbed. 

Again marriage has never been easy.  When someone said marriage is not a bed of roses she knows exactly what they are talking about.

However, that does not justify what your in-laws are doing to you.  Dealing with complicated in-laws who think they can run your house the way they fancy is not easy.  It is said “Good fences make good neighbours” – there need to be really good fences up.  Set limits about when they are and are not invited into your lives.

No divided loyalties

When you get married and start your own family the truth will be that is where your primary loyalty needs to be.  We are told once you get married your immediate family members – that is your mother, father and siblings – become your relatives.  I am sure your husband knows where his loyalty lies.  He might be having difficulty in showing it, for just being afraid of hurting one person. 

Making a deal with mother-in-law

If your mother-in-law dislikes you, what you need to do is kill her with your love and she will eventually come to appreciate you.  However, I subscribe to the school of thought that when a wife has a problem with her mom-in-law, it is the role of her son, the husband, to make peace.

Never force your spouse to take sides

So Marry, even when your husband is trying to solve this issue, never force him to take sides.  He must be fair to his relatives to respect his family and etc.  Unfortunately, some guys find themselves between a rock and a hard place when they are forced by either person to take sides.  This is the most difficult decision any person can make – choosing between the people he’s known all his life – I mean parents, siblings – and the woman he loves.  I know it hurts but never try this. 

And sisters-in-law can be very vindictive and nasty

It is therefore necessary to discuss with your partner the role that you need your sisters-in-law to have in your lives.  Never assume you are on the same page until you talk about it.  So that the two of you will be able to set boundaries for both your families without any bias, you must put your foot down and set limits with them.  Once they see you mean business, you will earn your respect.

And children should be your priority.  However much we love our visitors, it is not right that you should be shifting your children from one bed to another just to make room for visitors.  Learn to say “no” at some point in your life.  Housing visitors is very important but do not let your children suffer in your quest to please other people.

The most important thing to remember is to solve issues in your marriage between the two of you.  Get hold of your partner now and solve such issues as soon as possible before they hurt not just your relationship but your family as well.